Struggle with Trust

DISCLAIMER: Now, unlike my last post. This post in titled ‘Non-Fiction‘ as everything is entirely TRUE! And I’ve realised that although I’m not 100% comfortable posting this, that I don’t want this blog to be sugar-coating anything and I’d like to look through my blog posts knowing that I didn’t hold back on anything at all 🙂

This post was also inspired by ‘The Daily Post‘ October 16th Writing Prompt – Trust. Enjoy!

10:01PM: ‘Hmm… what can I say about this?’

Now, I’m going to be super honest here. It’s not that I can’t trust people, it’s just that I don’t allow myself to completely trust people. Here’s four reasons as to why this is:

1) Change: Something that I’ve learned and have come accustomed to is that ‘change’ is the only constant in this world. People change, situations and circumstances change. That’s fact and it’s inevitable. Saying otherwise is just lying to myself. Although people change like the seasons, I do hold hope that the people I constantly have in my life are with me for a long time to come.

2) Myself: How can I completely trust other people, when I don’t completely trust myself? I mean, I don’t trust my judgement. As my judgement at times, has been seen to cause more harm than good and create undue stress onto situations and to the people around me.

3) Relationships: When I see a relationship in TV, Movies, Books or even hearing it through Music… my heart flutters with happiness. As I am a hopeless romantic, not gonna lie. But, the reality of it is that… I don’t want a relationship. To me, getting to know someone and dating just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. And the idea of trusting someone to always love and support you, is just scary to me (REFER TO POINT 1). Trust is a key component in any relationship, and I just can’t provide that to someone.

4) When it’s Broken: When someone hurts me, the first thing I lose… is trust. Followed closely by respect, and even though I probably will end up forgiving the person who did wrong. I won’t forget it, which means I can never completely forgive it, nor can that trust ever come back from what it was before. To be honest, as good as it is to forgive someone… the feeling of not being able to know whether you can trust them that way ever again just isn’t worth it sometimes. No matter how important that person may be.



2 Replies to “Struggle with Trust”

  1. Nice article! Trusting someone isn’t easy as it seems. We’re alike, I also do not trust my judgement sometimes. But, I want to overcome this by weighing my decisions carefully and by being ready to face its possible consequences. I hope you will, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know what, that’s a really great way of looking at it. I’ll give that a go, maybe part of the reason I don’t trust my judgement is a lack of thought on my part. Maybe thinking just might change this.

      Thanks for your insight, and thanks for the read!

      – Ainsworth, 🙂 Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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